Beating the odds

  • Five years ago, October 10th, I was told I had 1-5 years to live.
  • I remember sitting there, so full of hate and anger. Thinking to myself, “if they had just listened to me, I wouldn’t be here”

    It took me a long time to push past this, and focus on what’s important. Living

    We often forget when we’re fighting for our lives, that we have to still live our lives. What are we fighting for? To live. But each day that passes and we forget that, we are missing the opportunity to just enjoy and embrace the moments we are given.

    I’ll never forget anymore, what I’m fighting for.

    I beat the odds, I am a miracle.

    It’s so hard to think about the fact that someone gave me a death sentence, but now all I can see is how I’m so full of hope, more than I’ve ever been.

    I’ve learned so much throughout this journey, but what I take away from it the most is…. you HAVE to fight.

    Fight with every piece of your heart, your soul, your mind, your body, it takes every part of you to fight this. It can be done, and it can be won. Despite being told you’re living with an incurable illness, and some day you will die, there’s still so many days we are fighting for and can live such a beautiful life if you allow it.

    I didn’t get here by rolling over, I have done EVERY possible treatment, clinical trial, diet, physio, I have been challenged so much mentally and physically. I have been poked and prodded, had my dignity ripped away, but I’m here and I’m so happy to say that I’m alive.

    Although I have no actual news to report as far as a medical update, (that will come soon)… somehow I just KNOW I’m doing better. My hope reaches so far that I just know how I feel, and that feeling is pretty damn good. Once I get my results, hopefully we will be able to back up that feeling with some actual numbers and a better outcome.

    I didn’t get this way by any means of an easy journey, no. I did a surgery that was more like scraping out the innards of a pumpkin, (me being the pumpkin). I did an experimental radiotherapy, called Mibg. I then plunged into another even more experimental therapy called PRRT, I have flirted with chemo, lost most of my hair, been treated palliatively. Adjusted my meds more times than I can count, started new meds, gotten off all my meds. Nearly died a thousand times.

    But I’m here to tell you about it, and that’s enough for me. It has to be enough. I’ve made strides I never thought I’d ever be able to make again, like walking again instead of being bound to my wheelchair.

    We have to take these small victories and celebrate them!

    I’m here to deliver a message of hope, that there is a way of fighting an incurable illness. That in our own way… we can win.

    I’m here to tell you that I’m still fabulous, despite the odds.

    Pheo VS Fabulous

    I turned twenty five

    A day to celebrate magic

    A night to let go of all fear

    Your birthday has come, and you’re still here 

    You’re so full of love, your sparkle is bright, how can we forever encapture this night?

    With every obstacle faced, we now can revel in the win of this fight

    Never over, never far, but not out of reach… when your Fabulous is on guard 

    I turned twenty five, and it was just as sweet as I imagined it would be. Getting older is an indescribable gift, it is recognition for all of the hard work that goes into treating me.

    My birthday gifts were filled with adorable home decor items, unbelievably soft robes, the pinkest of pink pillows to help me travel to and from my appointments, sexy ‘houndstooth’ gloves to keep my little hands warm and fashionable, Ralph Lauren towels to wrap myself in after a nice hot bath, an apple TV so I can watch all my favorite shows from the comfort of my bed, you see the trend? Fabulous pink, purple, and soft comforting items.. anything that brings warm and comfort to my life.

    The gift that I was most grateful for? The unusual amount of energy, stamina, and excitement I could carry through all evening.. to enjoy this beyond amazing evening my family prepared for me.

    Being around more than a couple people at a time when you’re ill is extremely difficult, but my family knows how to keep things comfortable, even my seven year old nephew became the ‘miranda police’ and would deliver citations when people were speaking too loud, or too close to me, it was the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

    My mother made my favorite feast, homemade chinese food, which my bestfriend and I ate twice (no judgement on your birthday) and that’s what a birthday should be. Eating too much, laughing uncontrollably, making memories with family that I will hold so dear in my heart forever.

    Happy Birthday, to everyone who is living moment to moment, keep sharing your fabulous, I know I will!

    My Memories – 25!

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    My 'lucky elephant' from my 7 year old nephew, he is a heart breaker

    My ‘lucky elephant’ from my 7 year old nephew, he is a heart breaker

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    Half of the fam who braved the cold

    Half of the fam who braved the cold

    I can't take a picture with my sister without making her laugh uncontrollably, and I wouldn't have it any other way

    I can’t take a picture with my sister without making her laugh uncontrollably, and I wouldn’t have it any other way

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    FEAST! Mother's homemade chinese food <3

    FEAST! Mother’s homemade chinese food ❤

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    Squad goals

    Squad goals

    My amazing mother, who will do anything for her daughter to get me through this time, she is mama soldier

    My amazing mother, who will do anything for her daughter to get me through this time, she is mama soldier

    My bestfriend, and my dad, we always need one picture that isn't 'pretty'

    My bestfriend, and my dad, we always need one picture that isn’t ‘pretty’

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    The cake that exceeded perfection... <3

    The cake that exceeded perfection… ❤

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    My bestfriend

    My best friend in the whole world

    My strength

    My strength, my love, my fabulous! ❤

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    Remember, there is something good in EVERY day. You just need to open your heart and find what that good is, and share it with the world!

    “Fabulous is your light, your smile, your energy, your posivitity, your willfulmess, your vitality, passion, excitement, stubbornness, beauty, laugh, and how you share it!” – Pheo VS Fabulous