Next month it’ll be a year, a year since my life was forever changed.
I don’t even recognize it sometimes, my life that is. My phone rings and I know it’s the hospital, booking my next test that isn’t supposed to hurt but does, or another appointment to discuss the next move. Having cancer is like an endless wait, waiting for results, waiting to know what treatment is next, except one day like all things, it does infact end.
This new life is very tiresome, humbling, and without any personal surprise, still full of hope and an endless outpouring of love. I may sometimes be embarrassed to have to be in a wheelchair when we’re at places too big for me to walk, or when I’m in too much pain to make it to my next appointment, but that’s just my pride, the side of me that always wants to surprise myself and everyone that my twenty four year old body is just fabulous. I hope I’m not coming off as complaining, sometimes I do… but I feel horrible for doing it, there’s far worse situations people find themselves in everyday and I would prefer to complain on their behalf rather than mine.
I just want anyone who reads this to understand this disease on a more personal level, that it is unforgiving and no walk in the park everyday.
I truly did think that after surgery there would be a long break, but ever since it has just been a carousel ride that you never quite get off. I thought my daily adrenaline symptoms would go away, but they just decreased in severity. I thought I wouldn’t need radiation, no reason, just out of positive thinking, and now I’m just waiting for treatment. I thought I wouldn’t have tests every week, but there is so much more to know. I can only hope that my case will help pave the way for someone else who face these same challenges.
I’m currently on my way to have a pain procedure done, I am so nervous. This is my least favorite part of being ill, this isn’t from the pheo, rather a result from the pheo surgery treatments. They are going to attempt to inject the nerve in my abdomen to lessen the intensity of neutopathic pain I feel. All I can think about is the intensity of the pain they’re going to cause by doing the procedure.. I don’t cry very often, it really takes a lot of discomfort for me to start crying, and I’ve been balling my eyes out almost every day from all of the different pains I’ve been experiencing, some are side effects from many medications, some is surgery, some is neuropathic, just so much pain. It’s awful, and I’m finally seen by the chronic pain clinic… And was so excited until I heard about them having to inject things into my skin that I can’t even wash in the shower or touch with clothing. AHH! Okay, enough of that, I’ll share how it went afterwards.
That’s about all for now, just a quick update before I have the procedure done.
Ten months down, any and all unpleasant things crammed into this time, but I’m still in fighting stance. Ready for anything, pheo
pheo vs fabulous