Countdown…

As we count down the hours to a brand new year, I am counting down the days, as it becomes so near…

The plan was to complete the bone marrow transplant starting around January 11th as an outpatient, have a little break in between, and then be admitted to the hospital and start the MIBG radioactive therapy shortly after.

I will now be admitted for the entire procedure, which of course there’s a benefit to me… I’m safer, it’s a controlled environment, my complicated body will be in a hospital at all times (lol), but it also means I’m going in a whole lot faster. It caught me off guard a little, what was happening in a few weeks is now happening in 10 days or less, I will be admitted for the bone marrow procedure somewhere between the 8th and the 11th  and then everything will happen one thing after another, one long hospital stay.

I suppose I could feel upset and scared with the fact that my 2016 is starting with a long hospital stay, harsh cancer treatments, isolation due to being radioactive, and the uncertainty of what all of this will do to my body and what kind of awful things are going to happen to me during from the side effects of it all….

But that wouldn’t be a very Miranda way of starting the year now would it?

So instead, I’m going to start my year like this:

First I’m going to spend New Year’s Eve with my husband, the man who devotes his entire life to making me love mine, despite the challenge we face, we will welcome our new year with open hearts and happiness, and most importantly… Hope 💗

We are going to indulge in beautiful food, and spend every moment being thankful for the time we have here at home together with our puppies. It truly is the simple things.

Second I am going to admit that I am incredibly nervous, scared, and of course running through every detail of what could potentially go wrong during this process. I have avoided doing so for months by keeping distracted, but now that it’s so close there’s only so much that I can do to keep myself from thinking about it. There are so many things that can go wrong in regular circumstances, but my situation complicates things significantly, and although I’m incredibly positive – I’ve suffered my share of complications. The only thing keeping me comfortable is that I have the best doctor, and am being treated at my super hospital 😉 So there’s that, but it’s normal that I am a little nervous, it would be strange if I wasn’t I think.

We will see what this beautiful new year has in store for us, yes?

No amount of pain, fear, nerves, or anything else can take away my gratefulness. I am starting my 2016 with pure gratitude, that we are able to still hang on to a bit of hope, that I am blessed with an incredible medical team, husband, family, friends to keep me going and support that hope.

Most importantly I am grateful that I am still here, still alive, and still… You guessed it!

Fabulous 💖

Happy New Year friends 💋

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6 thoughts on “Countdown…

  1. Miranda you have every right to be scared. Your positive attitude will get you through. I was having some major mood swings the last few days. A client (I’m a graphic artist) came in today and I said, “How do you deal with knowing your daughter has brain tumors and needs surgery soon.” He said, “Accept” and keep “accepting” daily. That this is what is happening and you’ve put yourself in the best medical hands that you respect and trust thus it is then time to “accept” . . . I said, “But I keep having these deep emotions that bring tears.” He said, “The emotions will come and go, your job is to be the best you can be and accept that you’ve done all that is possible to be the best that you can be.” Our roads cross in the fact we both have to submit to a doctor/surgeon calling what they think is the best solution for our diseases. It takes a lot of faith to do that. He said to stay in the moment and not project into the future or what could go wrong. It is easy to say “Accept” it is harder for the body to “accept” when it can “go out of control” all on its own. Hugs Miranda.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Cathy, although there’s definitely an element of acceptance, we must accept a lot of things .. but that does not mean we cannot strive for a better quality of life, a better solution for our disease. It’s important to note as well that almost every single one of us has very good reason not to put full ‘trust’ into our doctors, which isn’t always their fault, but just the nature of the disease, acceptance is a wonderful thing in many ways – emotionally, it is necessary to cope, but physically if we just accept … we wouldn’t be here. So I say you keep doing what you do, keep researching, keep advocating for yourself and others, continue to gently remind your doctors of their involvement in your mission, and get answers, get results, I say accept nothing but your own personal greatness. We are in control of so little, let’s be in control of everything we can while we still can. 😉 I always enjoy speaking with you, and I appreciate your open heart 💗

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