A zebra can be a unicorn

Pheo VS Fabulous 🚨 Coming to you live from the comforts of her 15×25 hospital suite 🏥

It’s incredible when the mental fog begins to clear just a touch and you’re able to begin to make the smallest of revelations.

Such as, did I just type a sentence?

Or spell revelation without going into one of my “coma like states”?

Or the bigger ones…like, it truly has been exactly a year since I fell off the planet. But did you guys really think it was by choice 😐 ?!

Warning: things may get a bit sassy while my brain function is working, I’m not letting this opportunity waste ⚠️

Do you think I would devote my entire personal life to opening up about this disease and then suddenly withdraw that responsibility unless it was for the fact that I was too sick myself? …

I made a promise, a vow if you will, and I HAVE every intention of keeping it: to not let this cancer take my “Fabulous

….Then, what good is it if there’s no one to share it with? PheoVSFab was started for others like me, and others like me seeking guidance for the ones who SO desperately need it. My greatest devastation over the last year has been losing the ability to communicate, not knowing why, and being so confused all the time that I didn’t know how or where to even begin.

Yes, that’s right, updating a status, sending a text message, menial tasks sent me into a 🆕 full “crisis” mode. Eventually leaving it impossible to do just about anything. Depressing much?

You’re telling me.

I’m just beginning to talk about menial tasks that have to do with blogging, but that was my direct connection with the outside world, also my outlet. I’m not even skimming the surface on how it’s felt to lose further mobility, forget the days of bathing yourself, most recently even the bathroom became a hot date between my husband and I, sometimes even breathing was a chore. When you can no longer sit on your couch, or touch your legs at ALL because you’re in so much pain, when your facial “flushing” is so bad that you feel you’re in an actual oven because your skin literally comes off like an inside out sunburn 🥵 , you start to question WTF IS HAPPENING TO ME!

This isn’t Just MY disease anymore.

This can’t be happening.

This can’t be happening.

This can’t be happening.

This disease, my already very weak body, and what will be known as incredibly sneaky symptoms are responsible for yet another impossibly long road to a complicated diagnosis.

But before I get into any of that..

I just want to share one very important thing, without support we are nothing, and over the years I’ve come to have such a massive family throughout the PHEO VS FAB network. YOU guys have kept us alive, and full of hope.

It has killed me every day to not be able to actively participate in helping others. Without being able to do this, I had never felt so isolated. This isn’t me.

I would never distance myself like this by choice.

So, if you DO know someone who’s sick, do everything you can to adapt to them, with them, and for them. Even if it seems they don’t want to, or can’t, they do. They maybe can’t tell you, like literally physically cannot tell you, but they need you. Everybody needs someone. No one can do this alone.

Most importantly, never ever ever ever, give up hope. No matter how bad it gets. Hope is one of the scariest things to have – but it’s the only thing worth holding onto, and when everyone & everything else is gone, it will be the only thing you have left.

Hope is something no one can take away from you. Not even cancer.

This disease can change your sight, your mental capacity, your ability to walk, it can put you into so much pain you can no longer move, it will even change who you are as a human being via a shit load of foreign hormones everyday that don’t belong, but it can’t change deep down who you are in your soul. Who I will always be is fabulous – Broken, scarred, bruised, but fab AF and ready to say F you to whatever this new chapter is going to be.

That’s the thing when you come after a fighter, eventually they WILL find a way to fight back.

Although we are still very early days and don’t have answers just yet — the fact that I am finally in my “super hospital” surrounded by my angels, being taken care of by my specialists, being HEARD, contributing, they’ve already given me the ability to write this blog post.

I’ve been in the hospital now (2018/11/30) for 2 weeks and we are slowly on a road to a very complex and delicate recovery, yet also a diagnosis progress.

Yes, you heard me. A diagnosis. What? Don’t you already have 17 diseases some may ask?

*insert laughter attempt here*

I thought I had enough as well.

WELL Apparently not.

This is what I’ve been getting at.

Some may be thinking, how come no one helped sooner?

WELCOME TO THE DANGERS OF BEING RARE

I have never been sent home so many times to die in my life.

That part was a little depressing.

One year, a lot of Dejavu, endless suffering pain, new fun attacks and a long- but -urgent -semi -coherent drive to Montreal in the end of it all ➡️ …..

…. We are now safe in the Montreal hospital, where they are amazing, and actually treat their patients 🧩

Thanks to MY own personal doctor cupcakes. My Superman. Who I think hasn’t slept in the last year in order to keep me alive and also smiling every day despite the screaming in between.

If you’re going through something similar, whether you’re in early stages of diagnosis, newly diagnosed, or like me, being diagnosed again, and again, and AGAIN.. remember this one thing – no matter how difficult, or how unexpected, eventually… things WILL come together, and when they do, only YOU have the ability to decide what you make of the rest of your story.

Through my suffering I’ve been able to reach out into so many people’s hearts and lives:

Through my pain I’ve been able to see humanity like you wouldn’t believe. Through all of the trial and tortures I’ve been able to treasure other people’s proper diagnosis and the removal of suffering.

Through the tears I’ve laughed harder than I’ve cried, and seen more beauty in darkness than I can ever describe. There is so much in the world that is to be discovered through these miracles, we just have to be mindful.

https://youtu.be/9LJGcxTB4u0

I love all of you more than I could ever describe my beautiful zebra unicorns 🦄✨

Read my other pages for more information or visit my Facebook to say hi & sometimes quick updates 💋

📸 @pheovsfabulous

THE Unicorn 🦄

Interview – ‘Fabulous Despite The Odds’

Fabulous Despite The Odds

I’d like to take a moment to thank every person who has taken the time to read my story here, followed my blog, reached out to me, expressed such kind words.

I have had the ultimate pleasure of sharing my story with the hospital that is responsible for keeping me alive, and although it will not be officially published until January in the magazine, and then again in spring – I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer! (Patience is not one of my strengths)

I was honored to be asked to participate in an  interview which highlights my ongoing fight with this rare form of metastatic pheochromocytoma cancer, the incredible efforts the MUHC is making to treat my very rare case, my amazing endocrinologist who I normally refer to as my “super Doctor” on my blog is finally unveiled and speaks from his point of view in treating my disease.

The article most importantly focuses on what matters to me most, staying fabulous.

“Fabulous is your light, your smile, your energy, your positivity, your willfulness, your vitality, passion, excitement, beauty, laugh, and how you share it!” – Pheo VS Fabulous

Click the link below to read the article!

Fabulous Despite The Odds

A special thank you to Patricia who captured ‘my fabulous’ perfectly through her excellent interviewing, writing, and helping me spread awareness while I am fighting for my life. I cannot thank you enough for your patience, warmth, and kindness.

Doctor Rivera, you literally keep me alive. I think I will continue to call you super doctor, I am so beyond grateful every day that you answered my unconventional email and took my case. I’m certain I am still here today because of you. You go above and beyond every day to keep me safe, stabilized, and out of danger, as difficult as that is with the severity of my disease. Nothing is ever overlooked, and I always have the strength to remain positive in the worst of situations because of your expertise.

Doctor Metrakos, you and your team of surgeons are actual miracle workers. My fight against pheo would not be the same without your incredibly skilled hands, super sharp minds, and of course your scalpel 😉

Everyone in endocrinology: considering I’m there ALL the time 😄 it wouldn’t be the same without your positive energy and wonderful attitudes each time we come, you make every appointment such a pleasant experience.

To every nurse who’s held my hand, comforted me in the middle of the night, carefully changed my dressings, encouraged me to walk, been the only one there at 4am when I was crying in pain and just literally did nothing but be there for me, I can’t thank you enough times from the bottom of my heart.

Nuclear medicine, radiology, I know how many times you’ve had to inject me with dye, radioactive potions, see my insides on the screen, you know me inside and out 😂 And I can honestly say that when we have driven three and a half hours to get there and I’ve been in extreme pain, and you guys have done everything possible to see me sooner, get me a bed, put a pillow underneath my legs, those things don’t go unnoticed, it’s what makes you the best hospital. It’s why you’re a “super hospital”. It’s why you guys are the best.

Thank you doesn’t even begin to cut it… having cancer isn’t fabulous, it isn’t fun, it isn’t nice – but every single one of you certainly make it a little less awful, and a lot more fabulous 💛

MY MUHC 🏩

https://muhc.ca/our-stories/article/fabulous-despite-the-odds