Again…

The only phrase worth noting: I’m home AGAIN!

Many of you know, after we celebrated leaving the Montreal hospital after surgery … After about 3 weeks, once home I ended up right back in the hospital.

I was having trouble breathing, and my heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof. After surgery to remove the tumor grenades, I was hoping to have relieved these symptoms completely, atleast for a little while 😔

Well, after many complications including the pulmonary embolism, I couldn’t take any chances. So fast forward, I spent a week in Ottawa’s acute care facilities, where I received the full work up again. Once post op infection and the PE were excluded for the cause, I was so relieved but confused. This can only mean one thing, the tiny remaining pheo… Are still largely active and still causing me trouble AFTER my massive operation! After a week of every test possible, one not so clear test we are waiting for is my lung fluid. Oh, did I mention they stabbed their way through my back.. Into my diaphragm that they JUST operated on, stuck a tube inside and drained fluid that was apparently hanging out in my lungs causing me breathing troubles? GAG! Like literally the most painful thing, for something they say is painless! Liars. Can you tell I’m thrilled? They hit a nerve going in with their death needle, so we can add nerve jumping pain in the lung and back to my list of ailments. Anyways there was blood in the fluid so now I’m waiting to know what that means, apparently it’s not a good thing. A little blood never hurt anybody, that’s what I’m stinkin with, good old fashioned denial 😜

Discouraging to say the least. Hence why I have not updated my blog, I was too focused on resting and healing and quite honestly a bit sad and didn’t want to share more bad news. Well like most things I get bored easily, and I’m bored of being sad and discouraged. Even the most positive people can have a time of feeling down, and while short lasted… It’s important to have these moments. It is IMPOSSIBLE for people to be fabulous and happy 100% of the time, even for me! Did I really just admit I am not perfect? GASP! Who would of thought 😉

Tomorrow will mark a month from the day I had my surgery, it’s difficult to measure progress. I’m quite hard on myself it seems. Serge is still ever so encouraging, and focuses on the small victories (he says they’re huge) while I am hoping for miracles and probably being too tough on myself.

So how am I? Well, honestly… I’m in boat loads of pain. Thankfully a lot of the swelling and fluid has gone down, not entirely but enough to make me feel semi human again. I can’t shower myself yet, my hair is…. Not done 😧 oh my god don’t judge me. I can walk up and down the stairs, slowly, not runway ready but I’m trying. I can stand long enough to brush my teeth. I sat on my big blue balancing ball, and did a couple leg lifts! This is apparently a big thing, little physio moves. So I guess I’ll be excited lol. UMMM, what else… Well, not a whole lot else yet but… Atleast I’m out of the hospital and able to move a little! I’m a far cry away from my old self but I’m learning I was taking my fabulousness for granted, it’s hard work to be that fab! 😂💗

In a few days will come all the follow ups, and back to reality. Discussing what treatment comes next, and what other says my disease can inconvenience and surprise… But I will get through it. If I could live through this so far, I can certainly make it through the rest. Here’s to hoping!

I would just like to say I’m not quite strong enough yet for visitors, I’ve realized that small things can overwhelm me and my heart for now. I’m not ignoring anyone, it’s just taking me more time than I anticipated to enjoy even small unassuming things. Taking it day by day and miss you all!

So that’s all for now! Back to healing 🙌

Pheo VS Fabulous

2 thoughts on “Again…

  1. Thank you for sharing Miranda!……..baby steps….it is a slow process…..but you WILL most definitely make it happen girl! #mirandastrong ❤ ❤

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