Tired of Tomorrow

Who would have thought I could have gotten so upset over Christmas cookies!

Did I mention that one of the symptoms of adrenal insufficiency is being unable to control your emotions when your cortisol is low? I can some what deal with the headache, nausea, severe fatigue, muscle cramping, joint pains, confusion… but when I get all weepy and explode with emotion, hand me the steroids because this is where I draw the line!

When you’re ill you get really tired of hearing yourself have to say “I guess I’ll have to go tomorrow”, “Tomorrow will be better” “Maybe tomorrow”

I’m tired of tomorrow. I want to do it today, because there’s only so many tomorrows. I have been saying tomorrow for the last two weeks, and imagine, this is just me going to the grocery store with my husband’s help so I can get 10 ingredients to make cookies. Forget Christmas decorations, I gave up on that ‘huge task’, christmas shopping, I settled for online. I literally love grocery shopping, but it’s REALLY difficult for me, it’s a lot of walking, thinking, noise, crowds, my constant pain level, the unexpected sweaty mess I become when I’m choosing which avacado to buy, I have to go when there’s not a lot of people, which means I have to also feel somewhat okay when that limited window is available, when going grocery shopping is a task that you enjoy so much… and is so simple.. but is unachievable for two weeks, it’s quite disheartening.

This is just one simple task, think of how many tasks you do on a daily basis, imagine if this much effort was involved in every single thing you did. It’s a lot of disappointment to feel, it’s not that I no longer HAVE to do these things, I still have to do somehow get them all done.. it’s just they compile and I have to prioritize, what’s most important to me is my hospital appointments. So we plan for those each week, that takes about all of my energy, I recover for a couple of days, and then I’m left with 4 days in the week. If I have two appointments that week, it leaves me one day, and if I don’t feel well that one day, I’m left with the phrase “I guess I’ll try again tomorrow” and it repeats itself and we enter into the next week. Where I find myself today, still no cookies, feeling horrible, and hoping for a better tomorrow.

Since my adrenal gland doesn’t work and I have no ability of naturally producing hormones essential to life, and have been falling unconscious as a result, I just found out I also have to take a new medication that should help with this recent symptom. It will help keep the sodium in my body that I’ve apparently been urinating away, and as a result should keep my blood pressure stabilized (haha, well as stable as it can be with pheo..) and then I should stop becoming a zombie and be able to go grocery shopping and bake cookies.

I will keep praying for a better tomorrow, and always find strength in the challenge I am faced with today.

Pheo VS Fabulous ❤

2 thoughts on “Tired of Tomorrow

  1. Dear Pheo vs Fabulous, I so feel for you. I went to bed yesterday at 5 pm because I needed a “tomorrow” to come as soon as possible. I applaud you for wanting to make Holiday cookies. I sat in the car crying during Thanksgiving Dinner marketing because I “thought” I had the energy to shop but I had an emotional break down instead. I couldn’t face the crowds, the choices, the smells, the energy to make decisions. I don’t have your cortisol adrenal issues but I certainly have the mood swings that come from nowhere and put me on the same course as you, “Maybe tomorrow” . .. Then I break into tears, get mad at my body for doing this to me and plot how I’m going to sneak back under the covers without alerting my husband who’ll be concerned but not really get how tiring “maybe tomorrow” can be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cathy, I can only hope that we can start enjoying today, despite the challenge we are facing, and just let tomorrow come ☺️ I’m working on this again. Even if it’s in bed, and abandoning everything we had planned, we will just have to find a way to enjoy this new normal, as it is very much apart of us. 💗

      Liked by 1 person

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